I was at Mao, apparently the current “it” bar in Shanghai’s rapid turnover nightlife scene, with Judy and four girls living in the city. All were Chinese, one was from the Netherlands, one from Taiwan, and the other two were Shanghainese. All of them had (or normally have) foreign boyfriends: in this case, Dutch, Dutch and Italian.
For anyone whose been in China for a while, this shouldn’t strike you as surprising at all.
“Chinese guys don’t like it when a girl knows more about something than they do,” Liza told me, when I asked why she only dates foreigners.
“I don’t care if they don’t know about Western culture, but they don’t even know about their own culture…all they care about is money, a car, a house.”
When I asked whether such things–a house, a car, significant income–were a major factor in who she chose to date, she acknowledged that they were. But still, culture matters.
Watching couples dancing and making out at Mao, I had to realise that this much derided relationship–White man, Chinese girl–has its own legacy, it’s own place in China’s modern history; as gingerly as many would admit to it. Shanghai may have been known as the “Pearl of the Orient,” but it was just as commonly known as the “Whore of the Orient” too.
Such relationship norms aren’t exclusive to China. In former European colonies throughout Asia, Africa and South America, intermarriage occurred between European men and occupied colony women. You see the same in non-European mercantilist/trader scenarios, such as the Baba-Nonya mixed descendants of Chinese merchants and their Malay wives in Malaysia. Given the mix of power distribution and traditional gender roles, it makes sense for women from poorer, less powerful host societies to have relations with single (wealthier, powerful) men living away from home.
Meanwhile, why don’t we see the opposite as often? I believe that a mix of both current business staffing and traditional roles lies at the core of the answer.
At present, I think it’s safe to assume that the majority of expats–classically defined as those being sent to China by their employer and making former national salary–are men. There are simply more foreign men than women in China, and thus less women for Chinese men to date. And what of those expat women who are indeed working in China?
Well, I would also imagine that they would have to be highly educated, skilled people who are of some standing within their companies, if not society. In other words, they’re quite a catch, for both foreigners and Chinese. It’s quite safe to say they absolutely wouldn’t fit many traditional Chinese notions of what a woman should do: focus on the family, provide a supporting role to her husband’s career, as opposed to potentially eclipsing it, not travel and work in other countries by oneself. And though many Chinese men don’t require their wives to fall into such old-fashioned gender boxes, many still do.
On top of the smaller foreign woman pool to begin with, the character and lifestyle found within such a community and its conflict with traditional Chinese (and other) beliefs on female gender roles is the issue of male gender roles. Chinese men, bless our hearts, largely do not adhere to the classic, “manly man” stereotype: tall, rugged, athletic, a streak of Holden Caulfield or Steve McQueen rebellion, the primal intensity of Brando’s Stanley Kowalski. Most Chinese guys don’t possess such qualities, and their cards–loyal, responsible, good at making/saving money–don’t really get them as far with many foreign women in China.
Dating, far from the romance of escapist plot denouements and the heady swooning of early love, is, like any other piece of society, a reflection of power, social roles and desires, well beyond matters purely of the heart. It is this way everywhere, but is particularly clearly displayed here in today’s open China.
[...] clipped from itslateagain.wordpress.com [...]
I think that it is a very interesting and amusing article. Practically all its main points are true.
hello
To date someone who is different, which the women are curious about is always exciting. This is human nature. Also, the opportunity to explore and experience the ‘love’ from the hyped-up fantasies that the foreigners are better mannered, cool and who listen to the woman i.e. the woman can ‘control’ tend to encourage such relationship. Older foreign men can afford to splash their money in exchange for the ‘love’ of younger companions who sees this as a security and enjoyment of their younger lives.
I used to have the same impression about white & asian couples when I was younger, but after I actually visited China I saw that a young beautiful girl with an old/ugly rich guy was the norm. The fact that you are upset because a rich guy is white is strange because the majority of those couples involve an old rich Chinese guy or Chinese foreigner. You don’t even focus on the culture itself that promotes that type of relationship, instead you focus on race.
You call these women whores basically for being with a white guy yet you think there should be more white women for Chinese guys. Do you realize how childish your thinking is?
China has a Han Chinese population of over 95%. European countries are much more diverse and open-minded, which is what needs to happen for a country to develop properly. If China remains boring and homogeneous then who the hell would want to visit it?
Hi Jack,
I think you interpreted my post with a lot of false assumptions:
1. I am upset that a white guy is rich: not at all. A lot of the foreigners in China do tend in general to be wealthier than locals. I think this is the case elsewhere.
2. I call these women whores for being with a white guy: not at all. The “whore of the orient” is a phrase I have heard elsewhere, and I don’t think that Chinese, or any other women, being in an interracial marriage is equatable to being a whore, a very loaded word to begin with.
3. There should be more white women for Chinese men: not necessarily. The points I raised were merely seeking to answer the question as to why there are less white woman-Chinese men relationships in China by comparison; where did you get the idea I was calling for more such relationships?
You claim I ignore Chinese culture’s emphasis on economic interest within dating/marriage to focus on race: indeed, the point of this post is about interracial dating. I agree that such interests play a significant part in Chinese dating, (as elsewhere) and I believe I make that point clear, but the main question is why are interracial couples so common, and why are they so skewed in one direction?
For example, in India, economic interests (among others, such as caste) are equally critical parts of marriage, and there are plenty of foreigners living there, but you see far less interracial coupling. Why? Culture, as I think that the beginning of my post and Ty’s response allude to. In China, a lot of women seek a more modern, some would say ‘liberated’ relationship, whereas in India, regardless of whether or not Indian women also desire such relationships, the strengths of traditions, culture (“You must marry ‘your own’”), personal preference limit such relationships.
Beyond these points, your last paragraph makes a couple of large claims: firstly, that ‘proper’ development requires diversity and open-mindedness. Without wanting to go into too much detail, I agree that both are conducive to development, but that heterogenity is not always required. You can define ‘proper’ development as you wish, but Japan is an examples of a developed, but relatively homogenous society.
Your last point, to put it bluntly, is totally wack. You imply that Han Chinese are a homogenous entity, which is a gross generalization. Within the classification ‘Han’ are numerous varied cultures, languages and histories: Hakka people, of which I belong, for one. Beyond that, there are dozens of minorities living here, all of unique heritage and interest. I can guarantee you that the many visitors that China receives do not necessarily find its supposed ‘homogeneity’ boring. In fact, their ‘homogeneity’, and the culture which makes it different from visitor’s own lands, is often what draws people to come in the first place. If anything, a lot of foreigners find that the most cosmopolitan places–Beijing, Shanghai, etc.–are so similar to their own cities that they seek other parts of the country for a more ‘authentic’ experience.
I suggest you consider your own partialities before you attack others with ad hominem attacks.
great post and correction of jack’s “points”.
so what are the options for women who are racially asian, “highly educated, skilled people who are of some standing within their companies, if not society”, absolutely don’t fit into “such old-fashioned gender boxes”, AND don’t care about material items (i.e. “money, a car, a house”, etc.)?